Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
