Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
