She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
