this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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