john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
