we're blogging at a bar
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
