She's like a pop up book from hell.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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