Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize