insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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