I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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