Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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