"it" just moved
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
