It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
