All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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