OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
