I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Randomize
