Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
