I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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