I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love accidental penises.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
