last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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