He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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