Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
