Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
