I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
