Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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