It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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