there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
