Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
MIDGETS
????
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
