I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
