i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
