I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
