just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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