While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
