we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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