could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There are leaves in my underwear?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
