No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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