so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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