I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
