Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
