We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
