I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
