The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
