i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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