: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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