I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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