so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
