ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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