But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
