I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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