He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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