my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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