That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm like, not good at living.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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