I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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